Hello MMV, Kary and Dr. Valdez!
A FEW “FIRSTS” FOR ME SINCE THE SURGERY
There are a lot of “firsts” in life – first kiss, first love, first hangover, etc…
But, by age 50 you’d think most people would have achieved a predictable set of “firsts” that should have happened already. Not necessarily in my case.
1) FIRST PUBLIC SWIM
Today for the first time in 40 years, I entered a public swimming pool without a shirt. I confidently and proudly moved through space without fear, shame, doubt, timidity, anxiety, dread, terror, panic or caring what anyone thought. AMAZING! Very amazing!
This may not seem like a big deal to some. However, for the better part of 50 years the heavy and horrendous shame I carried on my “metaphorical” shoulders since puberty dictated what level of fear and fun I’d live within. Today, that fear truly evaporated and finally, I owned my true self. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE FEELING! What a profound moment!
2) FIRST FEARLESS AUDITION
You may not be aware, but I have been an actor for many years auditioning for Film, TV, and Theatre. Auditions and/or performances be incredibly stressful. Furthermore, dealing with crippling fear, shame, doubt, timidity, anxiety, dread, terror, and panic about how I may appear to the “important” casting people, all the while trying NOT to expose my true vulnerabilities. These vulnerabilities that are NOT related to the character I’m trying to portray are debilitating and limiting.
Upon returning to Vancouver there was a definitive shift in me, and curiously people around me – those I know and many others I didn’t- noticed it too. It was that kind of “Hey, I can’t quite put my finger on it. But there is something different about you…” shift. It was a shift that people subconsciously registered and in return echoed back to me with their body language. It was very profound.
Kary, Dr. Valdez and MMV, I want to thank you for the freedom you’ve given me. The freedom I now possess to present myself as I’d like others to see me as and the freedom to reveal the true confidence that had lay dormant since coming into this space-time existence.
You have my unrelenting and undying gratitude. Thank you!